I LOVE OLD-SCHOOL JOKES

Jokes aren’t the same anymore. The good old days of a well told joke landing in your email box are long gone. These days you are more likely to be sent a funny picture or a link to a video clip on You Tube. I can’t remember the last time I was at a party and a group of people exchanged jokes for hours on end. I miss those days. Fortunately though, I am something of a hoarder and I’ve made a point of copying anything that makes me laugh over the years. Some of them go back 2 decades. So in the spirit of keeping them alive I’ll be posting them here every now and then under the title above. Here’s the first; one of my very best:

Bitter after being snubbed for membership in the “Axis of
Evil”, Libya, China and Syria today announced that they had
formed the “Axis of Just as Evil”, which they said would be
more evil than that stupid Iran-Iraq-North Korea axis
President Bush warned of in his State of the Union address.

Axis of Evil members, however, immediately dismissed the new
Axis as having, for starters, a really dumb name. “Right.
They are just as evil . . . in their dreams!” declared North
Korean leader Kim Jong-il. “Everybody knows we’re the best
evils . . . best at being evil . . . we’re the best.”

Diplomats from Syria denied they were jealous over being
excluded, although they conceded they did ask if they could
join the Axis of Evil. “They told us it was full,” said
Syrian President Bashar al-Assad.  “An axis can’t have more
than three countries”, explained Iraqi President Saddam
Hussein. “This is not my rule, it’s tradition. In World War
II you had Germany, Italy, and Japan in the evil Axis. So,
you can only have three, and a secret handshake. Ours is
wickedly cool.”

International reaction to Bush’s Axis of Evil declaration
was swift, as within minutes, France surrendered. Elsewhere,
peer-conscious nations rushed to gain triumvirate status in
what has become a game of geopolitical chairs. Cuba, Sudan
and Serbia announced that they had formed the “Axis of
Somewhat Evil”, forcing Somalia to join with Uganda and
Myanmar in the “Axis of Occasionally Evil”, while Bulgaria,
Indonesia and Russia established the “Axis of Not So Much
Evil Really as Just Generally Disagreeable”.

With the criteria suddenly expanded and all the desirable
clubs filling up, Sierra Leone, El Salvador, and Rwanda
applied to be called the “Axis of Countries That Aren’t the
Worst But Certainly Won’t Be Asked to Host the Olympics”.
Canada, Mexico and Australia formed the “Axis of Nations
That Are Actually Quite Nice But Secretly Have Some Nasty
Thoughts About America”.

Meanwhile, Scotland, New Zealand and Wales established the
“Axis of Countries That Want Sheep to Wear Lipstick”.
“That’s not a threat, really, just something we like to do”,
said, Scottish Executive First Minister, Jack McConnell.

While wondering if the other nations of the world weren’t
perhaps making fun of him, a cautious President Bush granted
approval for most axis, although he rejected the
establishment of the “Axis of Countries Whose Names End in
‘Guay”, accusing one of its members of filing a false
application. Officials from Paraguay, Uruguay, and Chadguay
denied the charges.

Israel, meanwhile, insisted it didn’t want to join any Axis,
but privately world leaders said that’s only because no one
asked them.”

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One thought on “I LOVE OLD-SCHOOL JOKES

  1. Leigh Duncan says:

    This is hilarious Al. I found it via Tab’s link on FB. I am sharing it for sure!

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